A Tear-stained Pillow
by giNgaNiNja707
Summary: One shot. Lucy bottles up her feelings towards Natsu which distances herself from her friends and creates an unhealthy mental state.


It was just another quiet night like any other. It was late, and the guild had finally calmed down after another one of their everyday 'festivities' but not everyone had gone home yet. Erza was at the bar conversing with Mira while she washed dishes. Kana was chatting with Macao and Wakaba. Elfman was talking with Lisanna. Jet and Droy were mumbling to each other while Levy sat with Gajeel. Juvia was sitting close to Gray trying to convince him to spent the night at her place. Wendy was speaking with Happy, Carla and Pantherlily. Natsu was asleep on top of a table upstairs. And all the other members were just scattered about, lazily lounging about and enjoying the quiet, and each others company.

And then there was Lucy, the blonde Celestial Spirit mage. She was in the guild earlier while it was still loud and full of energy. But now she was outside, sitting by the river bed alone, deep in thought.

After knowing Natsu for as long as she has, Lucy developed feelings towards him. But Natsu was never someone who could be troubled with love. Lucy wasn't even sure if he was capable of understanding what love is and what's it about.

So Lucy remained silent about her feelings towards Natsu. But her feelings went deeper and deeper for the pink-haired dragon slayer. She didn't know why she bottled up her feelings. It just seemed like the proper thing to do.

Recently because of her feelings, she pushed herself away from Natsu, and her other teammates, Gray and Erza. It was strange that she was pushing away the person she loved. She had no idea why she was doing it. Or why she wasn't stopping it. She just was. Perhaps it was because being with the person you love and not confessing to them was too painful? But being away from them was even more painful, wasn't it? Lucy didn't know what to do, so she distanced herself anyways. Not wanting her friends to see how lonely she had become.

Earlier while Lucy was in the guild, she was sitting by herself at the end of a table, not doing anything besides thinking.

When the topic of guild couples came into ear shot, Lucy raised her head. Mira started, and stated everyone who she thought would be cute together. She even confronted the people of topic to tell them how cute they and the other would be. It was when Lucy heard herself and Natsu come into conversation she decided to look over so that maybe she would be included in the discussion.

"Wouldn't Natsu and Lucy be cute together?" Mira said. The others talked about their opinions. Mira looked at Natsu. "Natsu! Have you ever thought about how cute you and Lucy would be as a couple?".

Natsu was in a whole other world and didn't even acknowledge what Mira had said to him. Lucy smiled sadly and sighed, she didn't expect anything less of Natsu when it came to things like this.

Then Mira looked to Lucy and signalled her to come over. Once Lucy was standing in front of the bar with Mira and the other girls, Mira asked her "Lucy, what do you think about you and Natsu being together? Like in a relationship?".

Lucy didn't want to let her true feelings out, but at the same time she did so that Natsu might catch on. So instead of saying anything she just simply smiled and shrugged. The other girls cooed simultaneously, clearly understanding what Lucy was conveying.

Mira called Natsu over to see if she could get a clear answer from him, thinking they might just have something here.

"Natsu! What do you think about being Lucy's girlfriend? Wouldn't you guys be cute?" Mira said.

Natsu looked at Mira with a puzzled face and spoke. "No way in hell. Lucy is nakama. We can't act all lovey-dovey.".

Natsu's careless words shot Lucy right in her heart. Her face fell and her eyes glistened, signalling that tears were about to fall. Mira saw the look on Lucy's face. She was almost heart broken as well. Mira looked at Natsu with disappointment but he was already back to shouting and causing a ruckus, he was too careless to register the pain that he just unknowingly caused.

Mira looked to console Lucy "Lucy, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.". Lucy held her tears back and smiled a sad smile at Mira and said "It's okay Mira. I'll be fine. I know he didn't mean anything.".

Lucy slowly walked back to her seat and let out a deep sigh. She looked over at Natsu. All she could think about was how someone could say something to hurt someone so much, and not even realize it?

All Lucy wanted now was to be alone, so she got up and left the guild.

And now here she was, sitting at the river bed alone, thinking about Natsu. And how his words hurt her so much.

She tried her best to hold it in, but she couldn't anymore. She broke down and finally let it all pour out.

All of her bottled up feelings, her emotions, her loneliness, her pain. It all just came out in depressed sobs, cries and tears.

Lucy sank into ground and cried, covering her mouth as to not alarm anyone.

Lucy had only ever been happy since she joined Fairy Tail, but now she felt depressed. It was such a horrible feeling. It was just and intense feeling of sadness that was right in her gut.

Many of the past nights she cried herself to sleep, and didn't want to get out of bed in the morning because her dreams where the reality that she wanted to live in.

She wiped the tears off her face, got up and proceeded to walk home. Some sobs and more tears managed to escape, causing some concerned people to ask if the young lady was okay. She told them she was fine and kept walking.

That's all she could tell people now a days, that she was just fine. But there was other meaning and other words hidden behind her reply. Saying "I'm fine." was like a cry for help, a signal, a plead, and a confession all in one. But no one would ever know besides her.

Lucy was now at home after another long day. She took of her clothes and threw on her sleeping wear, brushed her teeth and climbed into bed.

She left out a long sigh and a sniff. She just wanted to dream but the thoughts still raced in her head. Her lip began to quiver and tears build up. She buried her face into her pillow and began to cry once again.

All she could do now was cry everything out, and then fall asleep and dream.

It was just another quiet night like any other, and another tear-stained pillow.

* * *

**Holy shit the feels I experienced while writing this. I struggled with depression myself for a year so I basically took some of the thoughts and feeling I once felt and put them into this story. What really inspired this story was what I told my best friend when I confessed to her that I was depressed . I told her "Having depression is wanting to live in your dreams, because your dreams are better than reality.". I'm working on a happy one now to make up for this sad one!**


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